Flashback to the day before raya: 7 August 2013

Ke Makam Bonda

Kami mengunjungi pusara bonda

Sunyi pagi disinari suria

Wangi berseri puspa kemboja

Menyambut kami mewakili bonda

Tegak kami di makam sepi

Lalang-lalang tinggi berdiri

Dua nisan terkapar mati

Hanya papan dimakan bumi

Dalam kenangan kami melihat

Mesra kasih bonda menatap

Sedang lena dalam rahap

Dua tangan kaku berdakap

Bibir bonda bersih lesu

Pernah dulu mengucupi dahiku

Kini kurasakan kasihnya lagi

Meski jauh dibatasi bumi

Nisan batu kami tegakkan

Tiada lagi lalang memanjang

Ada doa kami pohonkan

Air mawar kami siramkan

Senyum kemboja mengantar kami

Meninggalkan makam sepi sendiri

Damailah bonda dalam pengabadian

Insan kerdil mengadap Tuhan

Begitu bakti kami berikan

Tiada sama bonda melahirkan

Kasih bonda tiada sempadan

Kemuncak murni kemuliaan insan

~Usman Awang

I think this poem says it all. I miss you mak. I wish you are here with me, now. Smiling, and could hug me when my heart bleeds. But, Allah loves you more. So I have to let you go. I love you mak, but His love is much greater than mine. So be happy there mak, and may we meet again in the hereafter, in Heaven, insya Allah. You are my number one fan, and your love and support led me to where I am now. I wouldn't be who I am today, not without your prayers and love and believe in me. I am not even half the woman you are mak. Maybe I didn't show it back then mak, but now I realized, your love and strength are my biggest therapy. I am sorry for the pain that I have caused you. Now I know how deep your love is to me, to us, to your family. To my mak, my first love. My heroine. I miss you, and will keep on missing you for the rest of my life.