Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Why?

Choose Life...

As I mentioned earlier....life is not meant to be easy. You have to be strong as an oak tree I guess to face it. Sometimes you laugh, sometimes you cry. But, as a wise person once said,

“To appreciate the rainbow, you have to put up with a bit of rain”

When you are feeling down, never ever think of giving up. Be strong. Keep the faith. Insya Allah, you could face what you are facing now!

“Being scared doesn’t mean that you are unafraid. Being brave means you faced whatever you have to face, even when you are feeling very scared” ~Judith Mcnaught.

Question not what Allah has blessed you with. When you feel like giving up, just raise your hands and pray for hope and strength from Him. You really could do it, insya Allah.



Tuesday, July 26, 2011

A Love Letter


This entry is really hard. I’ve never written a love letter before, never ever.

But here’s a try.

To someone special, out there somewhere...

Dear sayang...

I don’t know who you are and where you are right now. But, I want to write this love letter to you, because I just have some things to tell you.

I am not perfect. I have flaws, a lot of them, in fact! I won’t go into details here; you’ll discover them for yourself as we get to know each other. Thus, I don’t expect you to be perfect either. What I want us to be is to love because if Him, and nothing else. Insya Allah, if we put our love because of Him, we wouldn’t be disappointed even though we are destined to part through twist of fate someday...

I want our marriage to be filled with love and laughter for most of our lives. However, we must not expect it to be happy for eternity. There comes a time where we must cry or put up with sadness, but we must believe that it would pass. Those trials are sent to test us, so we must be patient and endure...

Sayang,

I hope that our marriage would endure until the heaven in the after life. We must work hard to ensure that our whole family would be able to enter the paradise there.

And with this, I want to end my love letter. I know that someday I’ll meet you... if not here in this world, then in the afterlife, insya Allah.





Saturday, July 23, 2011

Healing the Wounds in Your Heart...



Nobody said that life would be easy. You cry, you laugh, you smile and you suffer...

There’s light and darkness there.

But, however way you want to describe life, it is REALITY. You have to accept the facts that things will happen to you, whether good or bad, because you could face it. Allah would not burden you with things that you could not cope with. Believe me, when you think that way, you could be patient with everything that comes your way.

My beloved lecturer, Prof Dr Aini Hussain, used to advise me saying:

“Don’t be too happy. And of course, don’t be too sad. We have to take the middle road when living our lives...”

When I was young (I was barely 23 back then, my how time flies!), I didn’t understand her words. I thought to myself, what’s wrong with being happy? It’s being depressed that’s bad for me, right? Well, as I got older, I came to realize that I should not be too happy up to the point of being giddy! Hehehehe...like I’m drunk or high on drugs or something!

So yeah, I am trying to live my life the best way that I knew of - Still trying to improve myself, who is so hot tempered - And likes to buy stuff. And spends too much money and thought on food! Hehehehe....

At the end of the day, you should never let pain stop you from living your life. Pain is important, but try not to get too carried away... it’s time to heal. Time to grow.... time to change....

“Everybody dies, but not everybody lives”
“To live doesn’t mean you are alive”
 ~Moment for life, Nikki Minaj





Friday, July 22, 2011

Is Crying A Sign Of Weakness?


“People cry, not because they are weak. It’s because they’ve been strong for too long.”

 “You don’t like the road you are walking. Start paving another road.”

“Nothing is difficult if you seek it through your Lord,
And nothing is easy if you seek it through yourself”

The answer is No! There are ten types of crying:
1) Menangis kerana kasih sayang & kelembutan hati. (crying due to love and softness of the heart)
2) Menangis kerana rasa takut. (crying due to fear)
3) Menangis kerana cinta. (crying because of love)
4) Menangis kerana gembira. (crying because you are happy)
5) Menangis kerana menghadapi penderitaan. (crying when you are facing suffering)
6) Menangis kerana terlalu sedih. (crying because you are too sad)
7) Menangis kerana terasa hina dan lemah. (crying because you felt too insulted and weak)
8). Menangis untuk mendapat belas kasihan orang. (crying in order to gain other’s sympathy)
9) Menangis kerana mengikut-ikut orang menangis. (crying because you’re influenced by the tears of others)
10) Menangis orang munafik – pura-pura menangis. (crying because you’re faking tears)

Sumber: No Love No Cry | Aku Islam http://akuislam.com/blog/renungan/no-love-no-cry/#ixzz1S91fWI35

Allah created tears for sound reason. Why should we look at the act of crying and insulted Allah’s creation? When you feel like shedding a tear, don’t hold back. But make sure to do it in the privacy of your home. Others don’t need to see you cry. Why must you raise other people’s sympathy? And please, don’t use tears to gain whatever you want. Especially a woman, a wife or a girlfriend! If I were a man, I really dislike women who use tears as a mean to an end. Don’t exploit your tears for gain! Cry because you have to or need to, but never uses them for ill-gains to achieve your own selfish plot!

Looking back...

You've had a pocket full of regrets 
Pull you down faster than a sunset 
Hey, it happens to us all

Throughout life people will make you mad
Disrespect you and treat you bad
Let God deal with the things they do
Cause hate in your heart will consume you too

Regrets... is it a good thing or a bad thing? Well, to me, it’s a good thing when we feel regrets for all the bad things that we’ve done, and of course we want to change our ways from being a not so good person into one that follows all Allah’s laws.

But, if we keep on bashing ourselves in the head for all we’ve done, wallowing in the regrets for all the choices that we’ve made; then we would never find real happiness. Why should we feel sad over what we have said and done? Life is meant to be celebrated, not to be cried over. We need to take a deep breath and said, whatever happened, happened for a reason, so we must learn from it.

As the wise man said:

Regrets for the things we have done in the past could be tempered with time,
But regrets for the things we could have and should have done,
Would always be a thorn in our hearts...

You had the right to be sad, I think, but don’t stay in the humps for too long. Do move on, dear....




Date A Girl Who Reads by Rosemarie Urquico

this is cute to me:
Date A Girl Who Reads by Rosemarie Urquico
Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.
Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag.She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.
She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.
Buy her another cup of coffee.
Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.
It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.
She has to give it a shot somehow.
Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.
Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.
Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilightseries.
If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.
You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.
You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.
Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.
Or better yet, date a girl who writes.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Unpredictability


More than one person had said that I am a very unpredictable person. Is it a bad thing? Well, a friend said that sometimes that could be a bad thing, while sometimes it could be a good thing.


Me, the ever optimist person, like to think that it’s a good thing. Let’s say that I would be blessed to find my soul mate in this life, right? Then being a dependable, predictable person would be boring, right? If he could guess what I would do next, that would take the thrill out of the relationship, right?

A friend said that people wouldn’t understand what I am feeling if I am such an unpredictable person. Hahaha....guess what? I don’t really care. I have no heart, remember? (if I do, then I have problems expressing my real feelings, especially when I am hurt... and I do think that I write down how I felt better compared to the way I said them aloud... )

Fadzilah said to look on another side. Some mystery is good to keep the romance going! heheheheh... it would only be a bad thing when I promised to do something and then I backed out at the last minute. Or when I erupted in anger out of nowhere (well, I used to be this person, the key word being USED  TO! Well, maybe sometimes I still do?)

Hmmm....if I live my life trying to conform myself to other people’s perception, I think I would go basket case in no time! The most important thing in this life I guess is try not to hurt others, at least no intentionally and without sound reason.

I have to live my life according to Allah’s rules and guidance. I just pray that sooner or later people would understand and respect my right for privacy.

A round peg in a square hole... that's me!

Thursday, July 14, 2011

I'm still here

Bitter Honesty

Wise men said, be truthful and honest in every situation.

However, I have learnt throughout my 30 years of life, I have to censor the truth sometimes. Remember the dialogue – “You wanna know the truth? You can’t handle the truth!”

Not everyone could accept the full and honest truth. I have to be careful whenever I wanted to say anything. After all, the truth really sets me free. I am free to do whatever I want (limited to Allah’s rules), and I don’t have to listen to her complaining and whining about others! After all, she’s perfect, her children are perfect, and they could do no wrong! (yes, this is me being meroyan, like my ex-school mate ordered me too! I couldn’t unload to my other colleagues, that wouldn’t be fair to ask them to take sides, and I think my sister has enough on her plate right now! And my friends? They have enough problems as it is, and I do have trust issues kan? )

So yes, be careful with the truth. Because maybe someday the truth would haunt you!


Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Family Portrait

Seeing all that’s happening around me right now, I think our family institutions are going straight down the toilet. When marriage is not considered a sacred bond anymore, separation or divorce is easy to obtain.

Who suffers the most? Of course, the children! Sometimes, I wonder why the parents rush into marriage only to part ways in 2 or 3 years time. False love, I think that is the reason. When the eyes are easily deceived and only lust is followed instead of the heart and mind, we marry for the wrong reasons.

To quote from my writer of the week
 – “Marriage is not the be-all, end-all. It’s just the beginning of something amazing!” ~Nurul Syahida (Valentina Nervosa)

Before we step into the marriage world, we need to ask ourselves, am I ready to shoulder these responsibilities - to be a wife, a mother, a nurturer, a friend, a confidante etc? Do you perform prayers and pray for guidance from Allah before you accept the proposal? Or do you just hopped up and down and shouted “Yes?”

Speaking from experience (I came from a dysfunctional family), my mother and father had done their best to raise me and my sister. They rarely fought, but when they did, it was ugly. That’s what scarred me and made me extra careful of marriage and matters of the heart…. My friend said, I shouldn’t be afraid. She said if I let fear dictates how I live my life, and then I wouldn’t find total happiness. She’s right.

But it does pay to learn from the past. History does not repeat their mistakes, people do. If I just follow my heart blindly, without asking for help from Allah, I am afraid that I would be hurt, disappointed, let down, etc…

And as for my advice for those in my shoes (from the same background)? Don’t let your parents’ mistakes and shortcomings decide your future. I really hated seeing all those teens saying – “my mother doesn’t love me that’s why she left my father” or “my father is not responsible that’s why I should ruin my life!” Believe me, those excuses and a million others only would truly ruined your life!

Be happy with what you’ve got in your life, such as a loving sister (like I have right now, Alhamdulillah), or maybe grandparents who love you to pieces, or even just a good and true friend. Be thankful to Allah. If you think it’s bad right now, believe me, it would get better! Just be prepared to be a success. Don’t let your past determines your future. You’re strong, that’s why you’re given this trial and tribulation. Believe me, if you walked through fire right now, then afterwards, everything would seem like a walk in the park! Insya Allah, we would find happiness, if not in this life, then in the afterlife!

Easy tonight a.k.a How to Save a Life?

I do know that suicides have become a big problem nowadays. But from what I gather from one of my friend, a psychiatrist at Hospital Bahagia, he said and I quote from his Twitter:

“Malaysians are also suicidal! Killing oneself by jumping into the well is not a rare thing in state X"

I truly thought that suicides are a problem in Japan or in the West. When it happens here in Malaysia, there must be something wrong somewhere.

But of course, we shouldn’t blame the person who wants to commit suicide 100%. We must delve deeper into the problem. What drove her or him to want to do it? Could we do anything to help them?

I know that there is a group named Befrienders who helped people who are thinking of ending their lives. But I am not certain how to be a volunteer there. You can go here:


or


Life is precious. Don’t be selfish. Do you think by ending your life, all your problems would be solved? As Muslims, we believe that committing suicide is the ultimate sin. We would be sent to hell. No excuses.

Why must we feel discourage by life? Allah sent the trials and tribulations to strengthen us, not to make us feel so down that we would not be willing to continue living our lives. When we tend to be selfish, that’s when all our troubles seem limitless and there’s no solution. If we take our problems and try to solve them one by one, insya Allah, we would feel better afterwards.

Don’t be sad. Live life to the fullest. Happiness would find us, one day, if we are feeling blue now! Love is unstoppable!

Sunday, July 10, 2011

I think....



I think a man is sexy when (in no particular order):
1.     1.  He is a responsible man towards his Lord, family and work
2.       He doesn’t smoke
3.       He reads and reads and reads!
4.       He loves children
5.       He could talk about anything under the sun
6.       He loves music especially old school ones
7.       He is a good listener
8.       He doesn’t judge me
9.       He is able to accept me, flaws and all
10.   He could be an Imam in prayers
11.   He doesn’t lie
12.   He respects women, especially his mother and sisters
13.   He’ll be there for me, when he’d rather be somewhere else

Friday, July 8, 2011

Thursday, July 7, 2011

This is How You Remind Me of...


“Friends make each other feel good. They build each other up and support them. That’s what being a good friend is about.”

“Life is tough! Reality bites but that experience is more valuable than gold! Pain is essential for us to become ‘Humane’”

“Everyone grows old, but not everyone grows up”

“Be who you are and say what you feel. Because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind”         - Kamil Abdullah

“If people are talking behind your back, congratulations! That means you’re far in front”


Life’s been weird lately. A lot of downs compared to the ups. Sometimes I wanted to whine – Why me, but then a rational voice would say – why NOT me?

I have to believe that Allah had honoured me with these trials so that I would be able to grow. Insya Allah, I would be able to learn something from this and would be able to pass on these lessons to my pupils.

What I learned so far:
1.    
              1. Beware of new friends. Not all are the same with your loyal friends
2.      2.  Don’t be too trustful. I have to balance my naïveté and cynicism.
3.      3.  If I take all the criticism that people hurled at me, I’d go crazy. Listen. Then measure. And take something from it. Don’t think too much what others think of you. As long as you’re not breaking Allah’s rules, then it’s okay
4.       4. Take care of your mouth. It’s very dangerous. Don’t resort to backbiting. You don’t have to give explanations for all your actions. (Refer to #3.)
5.       5. You should use subtle measures to display your feelings. Don’t use force and anger. If you’re hurt, don’t retaliate.(hahahaah...this is the hardest step to execute!)

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Irreplaceable


Wise words of the day (perasan lebih!hahahhaha):
Things are just things. Don't get attached with them. Your car, your house, your jewellery, your clothes, your books or even your shoes and handbags. They are just on loan for you from Allah.

What's important in your life is how you treat your loved ones. Sure, they are on loan also, but people are more meaningful compared to inanimate objects. So treat the ones you love, sincerely and with love. But remember, you can't force anyone to love you, all you can do is be someone who could be loved!

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Lessons my mother taught me

My mother was not a degree holder like most mothers today. My mother was just a typical stay-at-home Malay woman. But what I remembered most about her, ever since I was a little girl, she loved to read. She read books, magazines and also newspapers (back when the newspapers were not a tool of propaganda!). And she wondered why I love books so much? Heheheh.

When she was around, I didn’t realize what a gem she was. She was always there for me through happiness and sadness. Her strong will made me who I am today. If she and my sister had given up on me back then, I don’t know who I would be today!

She didn’t have to say much about anything. She taught her lessons through actions, and that is much more valuable compared to mere words.

Lessons my mother taught me (in no particular order):

  1.   Education is very important to us. With education we could change our lives
  2.  Always look for knowledge. Read, read and read some more
  3.  When you go to a wedding feast, don’t expect the host to provide us with the food to take home. Eat at the wedding feast. If you are hungry, cook for yourself first at home
  4.  Pray the earliest possible moment. Let’s say the azan is at 1.15p.m., don’t wait until 3.30 p.m. to perform prayer
  5.  When people insulted you, just keep quiet. Don’t retaliate. It’s just a waste of time
  6.  Humour is very important. Especially with the right person. Don’t be too rough when you are making a joke. The purpose is to share the laughter, not to hurt others
  7.  Don’t be a busy body. Just do your job, in the best way you could
  8. Treat others the way you want others to treat you. Don’t hurt others
  9. Recite the Yassin on Friday nights. Recite the Quran  on other nights
  10.  Be loyal in love
  11. Help others in need, even if you are not that well off. Every little good deeds make a difference
  12.  Listen. Be a good listener
  13.  Most of all is be punctual!

There are other lessons in life that she taught me, but I think these 13 lessons are the important ones...

Thank you, mak, for believing in me, when all I wanted to do is stop moving. Thank you for making me a person. Insya Allah, we will meet again in the afterlife!



White knight

Deep inside every girl, I think secretly we all wanted a a knight in shining armour that is going to ride astride a white horse into our lives and magically slay all the dragons in our lives, right? (This is the effect from all those fairy tales and in my case, also the romance novels that are my daily staple when I was in secondary school and uni!)

However, as I grew older (but not necessarily wiser!), I begun to realize that, if I want something right, I need to do it myself. So, now I like to think of myself as cured from this syndrome. And I want to share this insight (as if it’s rocket science! Hahahah ) with others. We, girls, or women, don’t need a man to be our knight in shining armour. We are strong enough as it is. But we need them to complete our halves of heart, because they are our soul mates.

But, in my honest opinion, don’t ever settle. Let’s say you are in my case, (I am 30 and proud of it!), people keep asking me – “When are you going to get married? Don’t be too choosy!”, but don’t do it! Don’t settle for less just because you’re lonely, or because others push you to it! Don’t!

You should fall in love because it is at the right time, right moment, with the right person. Because love like that is hard to find, so it is worth it. (I am reading the Tentang Cinta – About Love by Pahrol Mohd Juoi, that’s why I have all these ideas about LOVE!)

Seriously, Love should not be viewed in a narrow outlook. Love is universal. The most important love is of course towards Allah - When you put your heart towards Allah, insya Allah (Allah willing), you wouldn’t be disappointed. Humans tend to break your heart, especially if love in their hearts had changed into hatred. If we put our hearts and souls into love between humans, there’s a big risk that we would feel disappointments. The best way is to find Allah’s love first, and pray that Allah will grant us the love from those who love Him.

At the end of the day, we decide our happiness. Don’t let others dictate how you live your life. sure, they could give their opinions and advice, but it is your life!


Saturday, July 2, 2011

My car, my rules...

This statement sounds so arrogant, right? But I think this is true with Malaysian drivers.

After my brief experience of driving for nearly 5 months++, I find that most Malaysian, ok well, Terengganu drivers lacked patients when it comes to being on the road.

I don’t have to point fingers at anyone. Take me for example. When I started driving back in February, I have to admit that I am a timid driver. My sister laughed at me, questioning me when am I ever going to get to my destination if I barely stepped on the gas. And Cikgu Bi had questioned my speed limit back when I was still in the learning process. Imagine this, it was in the middle of the afternoon, in Jerangau-Jabur highway, and I drove at 60km/hour!
Hahaha... when I looked back, it was all so funny. What’s my limit now, some might ask? It’s 120km/hour if the road is clear and I am in a hurry.  Normally I would drive around 80km/hour if I have all the time in the world. It’s still slow right?

And now, when some stupid car/s overtakes me in a dangerous kind of way, I usually say profanities at them. Now, now, this is really not good. Our mouths should be used to praise Allah and also for mentioning positive things, not for THAT! Why do I do this, if I know that it’s wrong? Well, we know that road to hell is paved with pleasurable things. It felt good to swear at those drivers! Hehhehehe...

I should change my attitude. But it’s hard breaking a bad habit. Take this analogy. You know that smoking is bad for your health, but you still do, because it feels good. The same goes with other bad habits, in my instance, swearing at irresponsible drivers. Instead of doing that, which accomplishes nothing, I should pray for them to turn over a new leaf and NOT drive dangerously!

We need more patience when driving. Please, don’t be selfish on the road. Everyone is in a hurry. Just try your best to abide by the traffic rules. If it’s your life only that you’re endangering, it’s not so bad. But what if you hit a father, or even a mother? What would happen to their child? Just reflect back on your driving and try to change. Starting from NOW! It’s never too late!

Friday, July 1, 2011

Love Takes Time

Love takes time
To heal when you're hurting so much
Couldn't see that I was blind
To let you go
I can't escape the pain
Inside
'Cause love takes time
I don't wanna be here
I don't wanna be here alone