Envy

A wise person once said, you have nothing to prove to others. The only person you have to compete with is yourself.

And another favourite quote is: doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment.

This quote had helped me through life. When I don't have that tiny seed in my heart, which is wanting what others have, I am the most successful person, because I only have to work, hard, for myself.

4A's in UPSR '93, 8A's in PMR '96, 10 A's in SPM '98, Scholarship offers for studying abroad by JPA and PNB, Teaching College Diploma offer, 4.0 in 1st sem UKM Matriks Y2K... Scholarship offers for my 1st degree, that I could take my pick, Dean's List during degree, maintaining above 3.00 CGPA, offer to Germany for the final year, which I refused because my parents didn't approve, graduating with second class upper, after some delay, working in Damansara Heights, the same street address with KPMG, under PNB subsidiary company, offer to IPGM Kampus Tuanku Bainun vs offer to SLAB Unimap Perlis vs offer for MIDA 3rd stage interview vs 1st interview for INTEL vs etc cause at that point in my life, I couldn't think straight because I lost the most important person in life, my cheerleader, my MAK.

I think, subconsciously, I picked IPGM Kampus Tuanku Bainun, because, deep inside, that's what my mother would have wanted me to choose. She had always said I should pick TESL especially after my matriculation. Me, being the rebel that I was and still am,deep inside, entered Engineering Faculty instead, which helped nurture my passion of technology, even when I totally despised programming! Hahaha, imagine, a Computer Engineering Graduate with a love hate relationship with programming. But I think, the difficult path I travelled after degree was because I just don't care. I didn't see myself spending the rest of my life applying my knowledge I gleaned from my student days. 

I started opening the classifieds, and SPA and Jobstreet, and etc, hence, the variety of offers that I received.

My ex HR advised me to think carefully about my decisions, because she felt that I would have done better as a lecturer in Unimap. I thought about it, reflected about where I want to be in 20 years's time, and I couldn't see myself slaving away doing my research or papers etc.

And here I am today. A small town teacher, in my own turf, teaching kids so that they would be able to reach their full potentials. Being a teacher, had opened up my minds in ways that I don't think any other careeer would have been able to. I mean, kids, rarely lie, unless they are taught from home. They are bluntly honest. If you look pretty that day, they would say so. And vice versa. If they like you, they would show it, and vice versa.

What I don't understand about this profession is, the colleagues. Or maybe, I have finally taken my head out from the clouds? Before I got where I am today, I had never cared what's happening around me. You could usually find me at the library, or maybe in my room studying or reading my books, or in a bookshop. I remember my friends in UKM complained, to my face saying that I had the I.Q, but I really need to build on my E.Q! Hahhaha.. I just laughed them off and continued as usual.

People that don't know me might have the first impression that I am a snob, which is so untrue. I am just shy, I guess. I came from a family of four, my parents, my elder sister and me. That's it. My passion is reading. My Father bought me my first book, and I was hooked. But I don't have the patience with boys who think that they are all that. I think, the greatest kasanova in my tutorial class was very scared of me. Maybe because I am bluntly honest when I don't like something.

That's why I don't understand why people around me now prefer to talk behind other's back instead of talking it over in private when they are not satisfied with someone. What is the use of bringing up the matters behind, where OKT (orang kena tuduh), could't answer or defend themselves. If you are so scared f hurting that person, then it's better f you don't say anything at all, right?

I am definitely not interested to be involved in the power struggle in my office now. If I had wanted to play office politics, then I would have been better off working in my previous office, where a H.O.D earned as much as 20k per month, AND doesnt have to take bulls**t like right now. I mean, since we have so much work to do, why not we put our effort into our work instead of feeling envy of what others have?

Let me end this in Malay. 

Rasulullah juga berperingat dalam hadith yang bermaksud: “Hati-hatilah kamu daripada hasad dengki kerana hasad dengki itu akan memakan semua amal kebaikan sebagaimana api memakan kayu kering atau rumput kering” (riwayat Imam Abu Daud).

Sincerely,

WR