Date-worthy by Dennie Hughes

Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair   has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get   loose in the joints and very shabby.   But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.   –Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

The first time that I read this quote, I was very touched… actually what is love? It is too subjective to be described… Poets over the century had tried to write about love but sometimes they failed to capture the true essence of love….

Currently I’m reading a book titled Date-worthy by Dennie Hughes. Some of you may laugh, what the heck am I doing reading a book like this right, you may ask? But the book really is informational. Its approach to love is very scientific. No mushy-mushy and romance feel at all. It approaches dating through logical thinking. Very matter-of-fact. Sure, everyone wants to be part of a couple, to loved and be in love. The idea of baring their hearts is daunting. That’s why you need a set of guidelines to get you through the dating scene.

Excerpts from the book:

First figure out what your dating style is. The only way you’re going to stop attracting the wrong types and get the right ones to stick around – is by recognizing and rejecting some of the bad dating behaviors you picked over the years. Below are top-ten most-bound-to-be-broken-up-with behavior types:

1. The time bomb: your biological clock is ticking so loudly, you view every first date as a potential rehearsal dinner. You demand to know where the relationship is headed so early and often he’s headed out the door
2. The shadow: you may be an independent spirit around your friends but once you get with a guy, you lose yourself in him. You take on his hobbies; give up everything that’s yours to blend in with his life, never express your own point of view, thinking that agreeing with him 100% will please him. Disappearing into your guy however, does not stop him from doing his own disappearing act.
3. The drama-queen: you figure that anything worth having has to be fought for. You shop at Bad Boys R Us, and your fave way to kiss is during make-up-make-outs. You’re so busy catching him in lies and trying to be the woman who is woman enough to change him, you haven’t even noticed that you’re the only one calling.
4. The diva: your stds leave most men in the “not-worthy” category. Many men will try but only a loser would stick around to be treated like a loser. Inevitably you end up as Queen of Queens because only gay men can tolerate your fabulousness.
5. The first sighter: if you aren’t feeling a flash of love and lust within the first moments you set eyes on each other, you don’t pursue him any further. Most men will not tread past the “I’m just not attracted to you that way” signs that you post immediately.
6. The rescuer: like the statue of liberty, your arms are open to accept the tired, poor, downtrodden and the hungry. Artists and musicians, damaged men who cry… you’re pretty sure that by being everything to these men, you’ll get to heal and keep one. Yet, time and time again, they steal your heart, your energy and move on.
7. The other half: your motto: any relationship is better than none. You hop from one relationship to another; never feeling like a whole person on your own, always ready to go steady, even if it means lowering your stds. It usually takes a guy a few months to figure out that the reason they’re not comfortable with you is because you’re not either.
8. The people pleaser: the man you date essentially is the man everyone else thinks is worthy. If your parents want him as a son, then you push your own feelings out of the way. Eventually he catches on and finds intimacy elsewhere.
9. The money honey (like anyone we know who recently had wedding of the decade? heheheh): love is grand, but several hundred grand (or is it millions?) is what makes your heart pump faster. You’re willing to play by his rules and sell your soul if it means a lifetime of luxury. Unfortunately, being bought leaves you in the powerless position of being sold out once he sees a shinier, newer toy he wants to play with.
10. The green monster: your mantra: Men Are Dogs. Your mission: to put a leash on your guy and only allow him enough slack to keep an eye on him. Your motivation: you will not be the last to know when he cheats on you. Your man: he won’t cheat because he’s just loosened the noose and vamoosed!

What makes a guy date-worthy?

ü     He’s honest. Without honesty, there’s no trust, which is the foundation of every successful relationship. The last thing you want to do is be with a guy you feel you have to keep tabs on 24/7, or worse, who drives you to do things like check through his wallet and pockets because he’s got a history of not telling the truth…particularly the whole truth.

ü     He’s loyal. If he isn’t loyal to his friends and family, you can bet that he isn’t about to change for the better for you. A guy who knows how to be loyal – a quality that means he can be counted on to stay true to things he’s committed to – often knows how to be emotionally and sexually exclusive.

ü     He respects you. When a man respects you, very often it’s because he appreciates and shares your values and ethics system, which is crucial to relationship compatibility

ü     He contacts you regularly. The only real reason for not hearing from him is simply because you’re not in his mind and heart!!!

Last, but certainly not least: compatibility is not about being the same person… it is however, about sharing similar principles, goals and values, and being able to appreciate each other’s strengths and weak points. It’s about opening yourself up to embracing someone’s unique identity – without losing your own. “similar, but different.”