This is my Now

“I am made of more than my yesterdays” – this phrase really captures my attention.

Sure, no one wants to take the hard road. Only a fool would want to take the long road to get to their destination. But to me, the long road that I took just to get where I am today has made me the person I am today. So I am not afraid to admit that I was a fool. Getting here from there, it had made me more mature (as I like to think of myself…) and content…

I remember vividly how my late mother really encouraged me to enter teacher’s college after SPM, but I was too stubborn to do so. I did my matriculation in Science and Mathematics at UKM Bangi for one year before entering Telecommunication and Computer Engineering course in year 2000. Even before choosing a course for my 1st degree, my late mother encouraged me to become an English language teacher. However, due to my stubborn nature (and let’s be honest here- my ego also pushed me to take engineering!), I chose to enter engineering faculty. And to my regret, I didn’t perform my best because I just didn’t care to do so.

My average performance while in degree really disappointed me. I didn’t manage to achieve my dream which is to become a 1st class student. My final CGPA, which is quite okay to some people, but to me, I had failed to achieve what I had set out to do. But you accept the unchangeable, besides, what I put in while I was studying, that’s what I get. You reaped what you sow, right? I was only an average student while I am in my first degree, unfortunately.

I was unhappy working in my 1st job at MNRB. I felt a deep chasm inside of me. Even when I am with a crowd, I felt very lonely. It’s like that there is something missing in my life, but I just couldn’t pin point where it went wrong. So, to escape my loneliness, I bought books – lots and lots of books, be it romance, motivational or even management books. I adore reading, and it is one of my passions. There comes a time when I don’t know where I am going to keep all my books. I think for the 2 years of my working days, I managed to collect nearly one thousand ringgit worth of books, and that is just an estimate. Ahhh… to be able to do nothing and read all my books again! My time in IPTB made me miss all those time I spent reading… now, I couldn’t manage to read one whole book for one month. I only manage to read one page per day, if I am lucky. Hehehehhe….

But to me, I am what I am today because of the long road that I took. I wouldn’t meet all the wonderful people that I know if I had taken the short route here. Meeting all those positive and wonderful people made me really thankful to Allah. And I believe strongly that for everything that happened, there are reasons behind them. So, I should be thankful for whatever I have to face, be it a positive thing or even negative ones. Because we are only humans… We plan but it is Allah that realizes what we plan.

Refusing KUKUM offer to further my studies and become an engineering lecturer had been the hardest decision that I had to make. But my instincts keep screaming at me not to accept that offer. Maybe my heart is just not in the engineering field. I totally loathed programming. Hahhahha! Sometimes, I wonder myself – how did I ever pass my entire course with my intense dislike of programming? Uurgh, I had to use Matlab for Digital Signal Processing. I still remember how hard I tried to score that subject only to get a solid B if I am not mistaken.

Why then, instead of being a lecturer, did I choose to become an English language teacher? I don’t have a reasonable answer. All I can say is that my gut instinct drove me to accept the KPLI offer. I have to be honest; I don’t actually feel that passionate to be a teacher. Maybe it’s my late mother’s prayer, or just fate. When I submitted my resignation letter, from my HR to my head of department, all of them asked me why I decided to resign and be a teacher. Of course, I can’t be honest and told them that I hate the company! I just shrugged and practiced my standard answer – I feel passionately about the teaching profession. It’s just a little white lie, honest! My Training Department went as far as objecting my decision. She told me that I’d be better off in the company or accepting the KUKUM offer. But I persisted, so here I am – in IPGM Tuanku Bainun.

It’s hard being back in the students’ life again. What with the hectic schedule and even mountains of assignments, I am thankful that I have a supportive family and understanding friends. My sister is my number one fan. And my best friends are always supporting me, even when I am feeling down. I am also blessed with a sporting group of classmates. Alhamdulillah… so, despite all of the challenges, ups and downs, I’d like to think that I manage to cope and even enjoy myself.

I hope that I would be a driven teacher when I graduated. I have high hopes of educating the young minds. And I know I mustn’t be de-motivated when I’ m met with barriers in teaching and learning.
Well, no use thinking of the future now. Should just focus on the present and try to learn as much as I can!!

Wan Rohani binti Wan Harun
KPLI PI/MT/MU
March 22, 2009